Leaked Documents Reveal Sen. Rand Paul’s VP Pick

 Leaked documents today from the Rand Paul campaign have indicated who, should he win the nomination, Sen. Paul will chose as his running mate. Once the frontrunner, Paul’s run has drawn much speculation as to whom he might give the nod. Sen. Ted Cruz, Judge Andrew Napolitano, and Jesse Ventura were all on the ‘short-list’. The full story was available on Wikileaks until taken down an hour later.

 It appears that Sen. Rand and his staff are fearful of further alienating his ideological base that criticizes him for being too hawkish on foreign policy compared to his father. For this reason he plans to bring former Congressman Ron Paul onto the ticket. “It only makes sense, there is no pleasing real libertarians these days” commented one staffer anonymously due to the sensitive nature of the leak.

 A Paul/Paul ticket may be the first father-son team ever planned in modern history of U.S politics. It may also help explain Paul senior’s endorsement last week. Sources close to Ron have stated that Ron Paul had been holding out for a truer libertarian than his son to endorse. Once offered the guaranteed VP slot Ron Paul reportedly grabbed his cane off the wall and went to work startiRand and Ron 2ng with a wholehearted endorsement of his son.

 Reactions to the leaks from supporters are mixed. Some are calling Ron Paul a “sell-out to the neo-con agenda” while others have praised the deal posting “Paul x 2” all over social media and in the comments

section of every news article on the internet. Democrats were quick to point out that a reverse monarchy isn’t libertarianism just because it is opposite.

 Political Science graduate Henry Dorkensnorf of the University of Utah has another explanation, “What Sen. Paul decided is just another example of what any other successful President of the 21st century does. If you were elected then you would want someone more intimidating and scary than you as your vice. Do you really think that any anti-war crusader would ever hurt George Bush? No! Why? It isn’t because they don’t want to, it is because the prospect of someone like Dick Cheney ever running the show is far worse. Same thing with Joe Biden, don’t even get me started on that joke. Vice Presidents must be considered unacceptable governors to protect the President from assassination.” Everyone can think what they want but in reality Rand would be more likely to finish his first term if his enemies knew that harming him would put crazy uncle Ron in charge. This is known as the Cheney Doctrine”.


Donald Trump arrives to his Comedy Central Roast in New York, Wednesday, March 9, 2011. (AP Photo/Charles Sykes)

(AP Photo/Charles Sykes)

 Other leaks from Anonymous have revealed that other candidates have opted to follow the ‘Cheney Doctrine’, Hillary Clinton has been investigating an O.J Simpson run, Sanders is considering to vet Raul Castro, and Donald Trump spoke fondly of ‘Taz’ from looney tunes. When pushed Trump demanded “What? I can hire whoever I want! For the record I said that I want someone ‘Taz like’.”


Submitted by: Jeremy Cordon


About the Author

Jeremy Cordon
Jeremy is a Political "Scientist " hence the outfit. However when he's not writing political satire he is working to make gold accessible to as many americans as possible

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